


kind of blue

by adequater



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys Being Boys, Coming Out, M/M, Swearing, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 12:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10640187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adequater/pseuds/adequater
Summary: Donghyuck is tired, exhausted, and he doesn't know why. But there's this boy who keeps calling him names and is too fucking pretty for his own fucking good. Fuck.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i did this in a rush. super unbeta'ed.
> 
> title changed from a lot like you to kind of blue. really sorry T___T

The table looks fucking annoying. With the way it gleams as light bounces onto it. It looks fucking perfect, and it just serves as a reminder of what a fuck-up Donghyuck truly is. A fucked up piece of shit who truly deserves no one because he’s a fuck-up. Fuck. He runs his palm through a small portion of the polished table, and the gleam earlier was replaced by the bacteria from his hand, making that particular spot on the table odd from the rest. Dull. Kind of like him compared to his friends. Are they even his friends?

 

“Hyuck, I literally just cleaned that.”

 

Donghyuck turns to the grumbling voice, a fake smile plastered on his face, and his voice turns annoyingly putty. “Sorry, Mark-hyung.”

 

“Shut up,” he says as he shoots Donghyuck a look of disgust, and Donghyuck chuckles.

 

“Why are you even so angry?” 

 

“You’re here. That’s enough for me to get angry,” comes the reply, and Donghyuck’s heart shatters a little bit. He knows Mark is  probably joking, but maybe he isn’t this time. Maybe he’s tired of Donghyuck already. Like all the others have. But maybe Donghyuck is overthinking, like he always is.

 

“Yeah, I’ll get going now,” Donghyuck says, and he stands up from the chair. The chair looks fucking perfect too. With its’ leather that is probably fake because Mark’s parents are  _ vegetarian _ , and the syntheticity of that chair makes Donghyuck angry too. It’s way too easy to get angry at a lot of things these days. Fuck.

 

“You just got here, though. I thought you wanted to do homework together?” Mark asks, and his eyebrows furrow in confusion at this sudden behaviour change.

 

“I can do it on my own, hyung. I’ll get going now.”

 

And there’s that as he exits Mark’s wooden door. Even the door looks perfect. What the fuck is this shit.

 

-

 

“Hey, you okay dude?”

 

That’s the third one of the day, and Donghyuck is ready to throw the table at the said person and to everyone who had asked him that. But even though he’s a huge fuck-up, he has manners, so he just smiled at them after waving them away. There’s that. 

 

“Dude, did you finish that bio homework?” Jeno asks as he leans over to Donghyuck’s table, and he looks attractive. The kind of attractive that just serves as a reminder to Donghyuck at how imperfect he is next to Jeno. 

 

“Yeah,” Donghyuck replies, and he feels glad somehow. He always feels like this when he has accomplished something. See, he didn’t even need Mark’s help. Thank you very much.

 

“Can I borrow?” Jeno asks, and Donghyuck gives it to him and excuses himself right after.

 

Where the fuck is he even going? He doesn’t know, and maybe he just wants to get away for a little while (the whole break, more than enough) from the suffocating and small classroom. He’s had enough of people asking him why he looks sad, but he knows when he comes back people will start asking where he went the whole break. Maybe he will answer something other than tired when he actually know what is  _ this  _ he is feeling.   _ This is exhausting,  _ Donghyuck thinks as he arrives at the place near the badminton court where he knows no students are ever there. And Donghyuck thinks he is safe to think and wallow in his own sad thoughts when a voice calls out his name, confusion in his tone that Donghyuck immediately snaps his head towards said voice.

 

“Lee Donghyuck?” Said voice asks, and Donghyuck stays silent, just because he’s studying the boy. He’s pretty. He’s pretty even when he is sweating buckets under the glaring almost afternoon sun, with only his white uniform, the blazer not in Donghyuck’s site. The boy is not Jeno kind of attractive but he’s the kind of attractive that makes Donghyuck want to stare at him and just see what exactly accentuates the prettiness of his face. It’s odd. Donghyuck is odd. But the boy is even odder because he knows Donghyuck’s name when they have never talked at all before.

 

“You know me?”

 

“Who doesn’t in this school?” The boy asks back, and Donghyuck colours a little.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Donghyuck asks, feeling apprehensive, and the feeling just grew as the boy’s frown deepens. The boy wipes off the sweat pooling on his forehead, and he sits down next to Donghyuck.

 

“You’re just pretty well-known, dude. Everyone in the volleyball club is,” the boy replies, and Donghyuck looks away from him. “What are you doing here? Interested in joining the badminton club now?”

 

“No,” Donghyuck snorts, “just thinking.”

 

“That’s a pretty long way for you to think. Your class is on the other side of the school.”

 

“You sure as hell know a lot about me, don’t you?” Donghyuck muses, and the boy crinkles his nose.

 

“No, I don’t. I just know your class is there because we’re on the same floor and grade? Everyone may be kissing up your ass, but I’m not.”

 

“Oh,” Donghyuck replies, and he can feel his cheeks colouring under the boy’s intense gaze.

 

“I had no idea the golden boy is this dense?” the boy teases, and Donghyuck shoots him a glare.

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

“What? Golden boy?”

 

“Yeah. The fuck.”

 

“Alright, golden boy.”

 

Donghyuck fumes.

 

“What are you thinking about then, golden?”

 

Donghyuck looks at him in confusion at the sudden question and the boy looks back at him with no emotions colouring his face, waiting for Donghyuck to speak up. “What do you mean?”

 

“You’re really pretty stupid, aren’t you?” He says, and Donghyuck splutters at the insult. “You said you were thinking. I’m asking what are you thinking about.” 

 

“Fuck you care what I think about. We don’t even know each other.”

 

“Na Jaemin. Class 2-7.”

 

“What?”

 

“Fuck, can you like stop being so stupid? I always hear people saying how great you are, I had no idea you’re like this stupid. Were those people blind?” the boy rants, and Donghyuck huffs again.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“You gonna tell me? We have 5 more minutes of break.”

 

“Maybe next time.”

 

“So there’s a next time?”

 

“Fuck I know.”

 

-

 

Donghyuck doesn’t remember when was the last time it ever felt normal with Mark. Mark...is a close friend. He’s a very close friend meanwhile Jeno is just a classmate and teammate that Donghyuck talks to frequently. Mean, maybe. But that’s how it is to Donghyuck. Mark is really the only person he considers as a friend. Which is pretty shitty. Because he knows quite a lot of people and people know him, but they’re just side characters. Maybe. Donghyuck doesn’t know anymore.

 

Mark is a close friend. But it feels like he is drifting apart. Mark is in his last fucking year, for fuck’s sake. Preparing for college entrance exams while Donghyuck is just here looking at him succeeding in everything he does. He loves Mark, he thinks. Looking at Mark makes him want to try harder because Mark always puts his head in everything he does, and Donghyuck feels inadequate next to him sometimes. They’re friends. But Mark is drifting apart and that just contributes a lot to whatever Donghyuck is currently feeling.

 

“I’m gonna miss you, hyung,” Donghyuck says as he studies Mark hunched over his books and papers.

 

“Did I hear that right?”

 

“Yeah. I can’t believe you’ll be away in a few months.”

 

“Yeah. Crazy, huh?”

 

“Crazy.”

 

“Pretty crazy, too. But I’ll miss you too, Hyuck.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Yeah, fuck,” Mark laughs. “What have you been up to recently, huh? Jeno told me you’re always looking kind of down. You know you can tell me anything.”

 

Donghyuck looks at him, and Mark looks back, waiting for a reply, so Donghyuck slams his head on the table to avoid that gaze, and mumbles softly. “I’m scared of my future.”

 

“Aren’t everyone is, Hyuck?”

 

“Yeah, fuck. Doesn’t make it invalid for me to feel this way, yeah?”

 

“Yeah, sorry. Anything else you wanna tell me?”

 

_ I’m. I’m fucking. Fuck. _

 

“Maybe next time.”

 

-

 

Donghyuck seeks out to find Jaemin, as odd as that sounds. Maybe talking to Jaemin makes a wave of tranquility wash over him or something or he just doesn’t want to deal with his classmates again. But he seeks out for Jaemin, and he finds him at the badminton court again, with someone Donghyuck doesn’t recognise. That someone points at Donghyuck and Jaemin looks back at him, quirking an eyebrow at him, and stopping their game. The guy smiles at Donghyuck as he passes by, his canines showing, and Donghyuck smiles back. Just because.

 

“Hey, golden boy.”

 

“You’re not gonna live that down, aren’t you?”

 

“No. Pick up Injun’s racket. Let’s play.”

 

Donghyuck picks it up and he stands on the other side of the court, opposite of Jaemin. This isn’t what he planned when he came here but it works because he isn’t too preoccupied with his mind anymore. 

 

“You do know how to play, right? Injun would kill  _ me  _ if you scratch his racket,” Jaemin says, and he serves the shuttlecock to Donghyuck.

 

“My close friend is gonna go to college next year and I’m gonna miss him. So it’s making me pretty sad,” Donghyuck tells him as he serves back the shuttlecock.

 

“Close friend. You too emotionally constipated to admit that that person is your best friend?” 

 

“Fine. Best friend. Close friend. Fuck I care.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Well, it’s pretty shitty, huh.”

 

“Quite. I feel like he’s my only friend.”

 

“I thought you have like an army if friends.”

 

“Maybe. But are they really my friends?”

 

“Aren’t you just being fake deep right now, golden boy?” Jaemin laughs, and Donghyuck fucking thinks he looks nice laughing. Pretty, even. 

 

“Maybe. Is this overthinking?” Donghyuck asks, and the shuttlecock passed to him drops on Jaemin’s court as Donghyuck slams it.

 

“Yeah it is. Everyone wants to be your friend, dude. You just gotta try to see which one truly wants to be your friend and which one is just using your fame.”

 

“Fame? The fuck?” Donghyuck laughs, and Jaemin smirks at him.

 

“Yeah, fame, golden boy. Like me, I’m not really going around advertising I’m your friend, aren’t I? I’m the wanna be your friend forreal person.”

 

“You’re my friend?” Donghyuck asks.

 

“Fuck, you’re such a shitty person,” Jaemin huffs, and he throws the shuttlecock at him with his hand. Donghyuck can even see his cheeks colouring a little.

 

“Fuck, dude. No, I mean, like we have only talked once before. And you were fucking shitty too. So fuck I know you want to be my friend.”

 

“You’re just dense, golden boy,” Jaemin drawls out, and he sits down on the court, so Donghyuck goes over the other side and sit next to him.

 

“Friends, huh?”

 

“Fuck off. You’re just emotionally constipated to accept real feelings.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

-

 

Donghyuck sees Jaemin next when he manages to drag Mark out to the local mall to buy some new shoes with the money his mother gave him. 

 

Jaemin is with his friend, the red headed one he was with during his break time badminton practice, and Jaemin looks at him and definitely recognised him, like, really, he doesn’t think he looks that different in plaids from when he is in his uniform. Jaemin then looks away, pretending to not know him so Donghyuck does the only thing he can think of: he whacks Jaemin’s head.

 

“The fuck, dude?” Jaemin hisses, putting his hand over his head in pain, and Donghyuck has to laugh.

 

“Hyuck, what the heck? Oh god, I’m so sorry, I had no idea why he did that to a total strange-”

 

“Dude, don’t worry we know each other. He’s just a shitty person, apparently,” Jaemin replies, and the Mark frantic rant stops.

 

“Well you pretended to not know me so of couse I had to do something,” Donghyuck defends himself, and Jaemin glares at him.

 

“Yeah? Couldn’t you just greet me like a normal person and call me out? And I ignored you because you were still weird about being friends.”

 

Donghyuck could feel Mark inquiring eyes on him, so he looks at Jaemin determinedly. “Fuck off, Jaemin.”

 

“Yeah, fuck off. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Jaemin then walks away with his amused friend. Donghyuck braces himself for the explanation he has to give to Mark. So he walks faster to the exit where his mum is waiting.

 

“Who was that?”

 

“Jaemin.”

 

“How come I don’t know him?”

 

“You don’t even know all my friends, hyung.”

 

“Yes, I do. Now where did you meet him?” Donghyuck appreciates the fact that he didn’t list out who his friends are because Mark knows his only friend is  _ Mark. _

 

“Somewhere. Can you stop. Please?”

 

Mark looks at him, still looking doubtful and curious but he must’ve seen the looks of desperation in Donghyuck’s features because he backs off. Shutting up, and looking away. “Fine. You owe me an explanation.”

 

-

 

It’s not a walk in the park. He doesn’t just wake up and think  _ oh I’m gay.  _ No, but it’s slow. Slowly in the way that he just realises that he looks at boys more than he looks at girls and he may or may not have the slightest bit obsession with the smell of men’s perfume on certain people (Mark, maybe). But hey, the realisation didn’t come in a day. It comes slowly, and slowly until it’s almost suffocating.

 

Perhaps this is what have been bugging Donghyuck’s mind for days. The shadow behind him that haunts him for days because his insistence of not admitting the fact that he likes  _ boys.  _ Gross boys that should be considered as friends. Perhaps he may have had a crush on Mark at first, but that stopped around some time ago. Maybe. 

 

“I think I may like someone,” Donghyuck says to Mark when they are studying together and Mark looks up at him, surprised.

 

“Oh. Who’s the lucky girl?”

 

“He’s a pretty guy,” Donghyuck says, and he looks down when he sees the look surprise colour Mark’s face. 

 

“Oh. A guy.”

 

“Yeah, a guy,” Donghyuck breathes out, and he looks at Mark. “Does that bug you?”

 

“No, fuck, Hyuck,” Mark breathes out, and his breath is shaky, “I’m so proud of you.”

 

“Thank you, hyung.”

 

“Thanks for telling me,” Mark says softly, and Donghyuck smiles ruefully at him.

 

“It’s suffocating me.”

 

“Yeah, you’ve been really down these past few months, yeah?” Mark replies, and Donghyuck almost feels like crying.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Who’s the lucky guy?”

 

“A pretty one.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Yeah, fuck.”

 

-

 

“I’m gay,” Donghyuck says as a greeting when he sees Jaemin, and Jaemin is in the middle of taking off his clothes, so he stops, looking at Donghyuck, then shrugs, continuing to open his shirt and now he’s shirtless.

 

“Cool,” Jaemin says, smirking at him, and Donghyuck thinks he looks so fucking pretty.

 

“And I think I may like you,” Donghyuck continues, and Jaemin looks surprised.

 

“Golden boy likes me?”

 

“If you keep calling me that, I may or may not take my feelings back.”

 

“That’s a shitty thing to do when I may or may not like you back.”

 

Donghyuck throws a stray shuttlecock at him. “Pick one, you fuck.”

 

“Fuck, okay. I like you too, okay?”

 

Donghyuck pauses, and he looks away as his cheeks colour. “Put on a shirt.”

 

“Does golden boy like the view?”

 

“Fuck, fuck off, Jaemin.”

 

“The amount of time you curse will never fail to surprise me,” Jaemin muses and he moves closer to Donghyuck.

 

“You’re a shitty person.”

 

“You like this shitty person.”

 

“Damn.”

 

“Damn, indeed.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hey! i actually planned for this to be a teenage angst kind of story but it turned into this. 
> 
> i'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nctkkum) if you wanna follow me! 
> 
> and i opened up a [curiouscat!!](https://curiouscat.me/adequater) if you wanna ask me questions hehe
> 
> thank u for reading! kudos and comments are appreciated :)


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